so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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