i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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