Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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