My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
