remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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