Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
