Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
