I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
