WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
