you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
