There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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