An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She's the barista slut.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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