Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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