White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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