Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
