What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
