I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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