I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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