Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
