Your mouth is God's brothel.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
