Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
