I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
