so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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