I showed him my bush... on skype.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
