if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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