If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
