You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
