I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
