Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
