I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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