Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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