There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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