sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
