remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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