I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
