so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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