Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
