Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
