Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
