Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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