Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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