Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
