Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
