i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
