thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
