my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
These tits shall not be calmed
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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