and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
