worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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