Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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