I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
