i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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