He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
